Rain

I thought about posting earlier, but felt that I really didn't have much to say. A few hours went by, and I wanted to post again, but still felt like I had done nothing worthy of writing in the past few days. Sure, I went out, and exercised. I baked a pie and homemade pizza today. But that's really it.

I've been in a bad mood the last few days...mainly since I've gotten back from MI. I think I was so busy, and surrounded by a lot of people that were my friends and family, that I just didn't have time to feel anxious or anything. Now that I am back in OK, I have a lot of time on my hands to think about everything. I wish I were working, but that isn't working out like I hoped. Exercise only takes up so much time, and that just lets me think more. I don't really watch TV, because I hate being sucked into it. I think I need to read more...but ran out of books to read. Since I'm not working a whole lot, I don't have the money to go get more books. And I just keep thinking about everything going on right now. Mike is overseas. My mom is doing well, but it's still there. I'm a thousand miles from the town I grew up in, and all of my family and friends. I get frustrated easily. I mean, I have people here...but they are busy with their own lives. Since all I do is stress about the same things all the time, I'm tired of complaining about everything to them. Even if they say it's alright, it's not. I just don't know what to do about it.

That was were I was this morning. I went with Buck to the farmer's market, and just strolled around, then to the grocery store to buy things for an apple pie that I was gonna make for her family reunion. We got back, started the pies (pizza and dessert), and then I went to check with my neighbor to see if I could use their oven. And it was raining out.

Rain and water are important to me. I grew up less than fifteen minutes away from Lake Michigan, and MI has a pretty decent rainfall average. Moving to OK, there is less rain, and even less water. It's a big change. So when I saw that it was raining, I ran outside to stand in it. And just the joy that I got from standing in a rainstorm made me feel so much better. Like it was cleansing, or something. Just a little reminder of home, I suppose.

The rain almost inspires me to write. I haven't written a single word in a long time. Maybe the time to start is now. And maybe it will give me something to hold on to.

So soon...?!?!?!

What? Another post? So soon after the last?

I can't sleep. So I figured I'd update, once again.

I emailed my FRG contact person, asking about support groups. She gave me a few numbers to call, and also mentioned seeing the therapist person attached to the unit. I'm not thrilled by this development. Not that I have anything against therapists, but I feel that I'm letting myself and my husband down by the simple fact that I need to talk to someone, preferably one who understands what I'm talking about. I appreciate people listening, but sometimes it's not enough to have someone listen, and then not know what it is that you're saying. I'm still thinking about it, though. 

Other than that, I've been keeping busy. Back to working out, mainly on my bike. I went last night, despite the weather (100 degrees at 10:30 at night), but I'm not feeling it tonight. My stomach isn't feeling the best, so I think I'll skip tonight. I did do my strength training stuff today, though. So I'm only being half lazy. 

The only asthma attacks lately have been in the morning, when I first wake up. I think it's my allergies kicking back in. But at least they aren't while I'm on the bike. :D I feel better about it, anyways. 

I'm sure there is more to post about. However, I am pulling a blank. 'Til next time. 

Home?

So it seems that whenever I feel that I am getting a handle on things, either something else in my life goes wrong, or I find out I was just flat-out lying to myself. This week was definitely one of those weeks...

I'm back from Michigan. I can't believe that six weeks could go that quickly. I feel...torn. I have obligations here, ones that I can't easily walk away from. But with my husband overseas, I feel that it is pointless for me to be here right now. Here is where I will stay, because this is the place that he will eventually come home to. But it feels so empty without him here.

Melancholy has definitely set in. I find myself thinking too much, about everything that has been going on in the past few weeks. I hate this part of me. I'm better than this, stronger. But I just can't deal as well as I usually do. Hopefully going back to work will help me though this stage.

I had more to write...but I'm too tired to remember.