So while I'll still talk (aka complain) about my asthma, exercising, and eating habits, I need to include more. Especially about what has been keeping me away from here.
My mother was recently diagnosed with cancer. She called me about five or six weeks ago to tell me, and I was floored. I don't really remember much from the conversation, except being told that my mid-forties mother has developed breast cancer. I didn't understand then, and I don't really understand it now. Breast cancer happens...just not in my family. At least, nothing that we know of. Then my doctor told me that cases of breast cancer is generally only 20% genetic. Great.
During the surgery, they also took a few lymph nodes, just to see if the breast cancer had metastasized. Luckily, they didn't find any breast cancer. Instead, they found lymphoma--a completely different cancer. I won't lie, even though she was in the middle of treatment for the breast cancer, and the doctors were optimistic about the lymphoma, I wasn't taking it well, and neither was my husband. I just couldn't help but think of the 'what if's'.
Mom is doing fine, now. She doesn't need chemo for the breast cancer, it wouldn't do anything to make sure it didn't come back. She only has a 5% recurrence rate (which is fantastic), and the lymphoma is something she can live with, unless it starts blocking an organ, or causing problems in her everyday life. I am so very, very glad about this.
In the middle of everything, Mike was finally deployed. I can't really say when, or where, but he's overseas. I wasn't taking everything as well as I feel I should. We did have a last four day pass, which we spent in Orange Beach, AL (which is gorgeous!), but it just isn't enough. I suppose it never is.
I feel that I was getting...cocky. I believed that I was fine, completely fine. I told myself that I wasn't going to break down when my husband left, that I was going to be this super-strong Army wife that takes on whatever life hands her....and then I received that phone call. I broke down twice in panic attacks, until I came back to MI to be with my family for a while. I think that this was the only solution, to both help me transition and keep my sanity, and to make sure my mom is going to be alright. I've been better since I've been here, and both seeing that my mom is doing fine, and knowing that her outlook is amazing is really helping me. It just hits me sometimes, especially at night when I'm trying to fall asleep, and my mind wanders and thinks about everything that I can push aside during the day.
I think that's about it for now....I feel somewhat drained from the last few weeks, and am still trying to catch myself up on everything.
